Tuesday, November 18, 2008

So is this where i write???

Domison, my alien buddy, set this up for me as she felt it was her mission in life, after reading the message i left my boyfriend on facebook yesterday. The countless number of hours that Domison spent sitting next to me on the school bus over a period of 4 -5 years also inforced her belief that i have a fair bit to say.

THE MESSAGE I LEFT FOR RHYS YESTERDAY (18.11.2008):

man....no one write's on your wall....here you go....LOOK OUT!!!!

today when i got up i just had this mega urge to wippersnipper the backyard. So i got out of bed and put my PJ off and went out to the loungroom where i found Lol. And I said to him we have mow the lawn!! And he said"aw what!! you don't want to do that...why would you want to do that?" and i said "because poor old mummy dear needs a break...and when you don't have a lawn or any form of nature around you for over a year you suddenly appreciate any opportunity to low the morn. so can you please do that with me" and Lol begain to grumble and i cried "no but Lol you have to be my wingman..i need a wingman man" I also added "and we should do the dishes too" And Lol said "no but mum enjoys doing the dishes, she pretends she doesn't but she does." So I then asked Lol which knob makes the grill work, as i needed to toast the upperside of my english muffins. So Lol helped me out with that. he turned the temperate to....

...about 175 degrees C and I began to sort out the washing up. At any rate after quite the while I checked my English muffins and noticed that they just weren't getting browned rapidly enough. So I upped the temperate abut to 290 degrees C. They then became brown at well colossal speed. I took them out and put them on the bread board and proceeded to take the margarine off the vegemite jar and had a thought to myself about all the possible reasons for the margarine being placed on top of the vegemite jar when there was so much space surrounding on the bench. These possible reasons included: perhaps ants enjoy margarine, but dislike vegemite, so in the ant attack currently undergoing in this house, perhaps the vegemite jar acted as a moat so to speak; or perhaps someone believes that the margarine should be spread on to the toast or english muffin for instance, before the vegemite - so in an attempt to ensure the higher possibility of this occurring the margarine was placed on top of...

the vegemite jar; or perhaps it was some sort of post modern art symbolising the way in this day and age of obesity, fast food and excessive bad eating habits...the societies citizens piles fat upon salt and perhaps the fact that there wasnt a tread mill placed on top of this was infact intentional to also symbolise the lack of exercise.I also began to wonder how the heater works. There are porceline plates that heat up, but how do they do that and what is the function of the flame at the front??? I then thought how is there such a perfect mix of atoms that create the compounds that form water and air....why doesn't it become unbalanced....like how there was a perfect mix of musicians that made up The Blue Belladonnas and then Mat was added and The Blue Belladonnas didn't actaully seem to work like The Blue Belladonnas anymore. What if a few more atoms of oxygen join the party in one group in the ocean....and it is no longer 2 part hydrogen 1 parts oxygen....would it still....

....be water if it was 2 part hydrogen and 4 part oxygen....i mean who organised that?? and how did they all know to stick to those little parties??? At this stage I realized I had not get gotten a knife to butter the english muffins and they were beginning to cool considerably. I turned towards the cutlery draw. Lol then interupted me and said "should I go and start the wipper snipper?" I exclaimed "we only have a wipper snipper...i thought we had a lawn mower....oh...must have been those goblins took em all...umm nah wait until I have started eating my muffin...I eat breakfast at unpredictable speeds...depending on the number of distractions." Lol replied "but it takes me ages to start the wipper snipper" he then went to open the shed realizing i had started my english muffin. I wanted to find some aviators to prevent grass coming in contact with my eyeballs at hight speed. I look on the second shelf of the tall grey cupboard near the side french doors, then in the first drawer of...

...the large wooden cabinet under the TV. I lifted the shoe polish but could not see any aviators. I began to think desperate thoughts such as "I may have to wear Lols mega geek prescription glasses for short sightedness in the left eye only...the ones that make me feel like I am wearing those beer goggles". I heard the engine of the wipper snipper finally starting up like a cat finally being sick. I went out onto the balcony and said "this is going to hurt isn't it??...Lol where are the aviators...or any glasses...and do u have a pair of tracky dacks." At this stage i was wearing little shorts and pressumed that the grass would sting as it hit my legs if i were to cut the grass with these shorts on. Lol found some sun glasses that may have been considered fashionable in some parts of the world such as jasons karate centre, and pulled out some navy blue tracky dacks with white stripes down the sides, he worned me before he presented them that they were no normal kind of tracky dack...

...but that they had an amount of lustre to them. Indead they were the shiney material kind. I took them into my bedroom and pulled my shorts over my shoes which were already tyded up in a triple knot. And slide the tracky daks on over my shoes. I looked at my white shoes for the last time, and made my way out to the back yard, pausing momentarily to give myself the thumbs up in the full length mirror on my bedroom cupboard. I then took the wipper snipper from Lol first holding the handle towards the front with my left hand and then swapping hands so that my right hand now held that handle. I gave it a good buzz and jumped back in temporary surprise. I started in the middle of the westily side of the lawn. I then made a relatively squiggley line up towards the peach tree. And stopped and said "I need a plan, a more organised way of going about this." I started at the very westily side of the lawn, at one point truthfully accidently cutting open a bag of sticks, althought I pretended...

ERROR: SHUT UP!!!

1 comment:

Maxie said...

huzzah! Now I don't have to go and buy a book...